


Think About You

by Rachel500



Series: Part of the Journey is the End [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 14:23:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18606325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rachel500/pseuds/Rachel500
Summary: Tony thinks about Pepper; it's always been Pepper





	Think About You

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Avengers Endgame. 
> 
> Content warning for character deaths and grief.

 

He dreams about Pepper.

Days spent travelling through space. 

Nothing to do but teach Nebula different Earth games and try to keep the ship running until it doesn’t any more.

So, he talks to Pepper.  He leaves her messages that are rambling and long; snappy and short.  But he talks to her.

The past few days of drifting have been long, endless.

He thinks about Peter a lot.

He thinks about that moment of having Peter in his arms and then…

He’d lost the kid.

It’s a thought which stabs through the heart of him, leaves him breathless.

He talks to Pepper.

Because it’s always her he’s thinking of when his eyes close.  He hopes, hopes deep down in his bones, in his soul, that he hasn’t lost her too.

Hopes that the one thing he cannot live without has not been turned to dust.

There's been too many days without food and water. 

He’s tired. 

So tired.

He thinks he’s ready.

Ready to die.

Ready to let it end.

There is no more armour.

No more Iron Man.

He’d lost.

He thinks about the kid.

He dreams about Pepper.

o-O-o

Pepper dreams about Tony.

Sometimes her dreams are all that get her through the day.

Snap Survivor.

Pepper wonders at what she is now.

She doesn’t feel like she’s survived.  She feels like she’s drifting. 

It’s been days.

Hours.

Seconds.

She can still remember her assistant falling to ash beside her, reaching out to catch her only to miss and end up brushing her hand through nothing but air.

Pepper survived so she focuses Stark Industries on surviving; on helping the world survive.

She misses Tony so much her heart aches.

She hopes and prays Tony made it.

She can’t believe anything else. 

She tries not to think about what it means that Thanos came to Earth.

Iron Man would have fought to his last breath to keep Thanos from Earth.

Iron Man.

The reason why Tony never rests; the endless need to save people, to atone for his past wrongs; to have his life be worthwhile when Tony’s life, when _Tony_ has always been worth everything to Pepper.

But she hopes and prays Iron Man has saved Tony again.

She doesn’t even want to think about Tony turning to ash.

Pepper dreams about Tony.

She remembers his voice, his warm words.

She remembers his arms around her.

She thinks about the last kiss.

She throws up one morning.

Then a second.

Then a third.

She refuses to think about why because Pepper doesn’t want to do this without Tony.

She whispers her hopes and her fears into her pillow.

Tony will come back to her.

He’ll come back.  He’ll climb his way out of the abyss; fight tooth and nail.  He’d built a suit of armour in a cave to come home.  He’ll come home.  He’ll come home because he’s Tony Stark and he’s Iron Man, and he won’t rest until they are all safe.

“Come home,” she whispers into the night sky. 

Pepper dreams about Tony.

o-O-o

Tony listens to Rhodey tell him it’s over; the stones are gone. 

They will never get everyone else back.

The kid is lost.

Lost.

Pepper’s hand closes over his and he’s barely aware of Rhodey stepping back and slipping out of the room.

He turns his hand, palm up, fingers tangling into hers and he holds on. 

Tears are running down his face, but Tony ignores them.  He’s so tired still. 

He wants to be angry that they sedated him and kept him from going after Thanos again himself, despite how weak he is, how fragile he is.  He deserved to be part of that.  He deserved to be part of ending Thanos.

He _is_ angry.

He’s angry at Captain America, Steve fucking Rogers.  For being a liar.  For trying to hang onto the past so much that he forgot to live in the present.

He’s angry at the Avengers.  He’s angry that they ignored his warning, that they fucked off with Steve over the Accords, over Barnes, and that they weren’t prepared for Thanos; that they couldn’t fight together in the end. 

He’s angry at Vision for falling in love and running off to be with Wanda; for letting Thanos get the last stone he needed.

He’s angry at Strange for saving him.

He’s angry at the kid for dying.

He’s angry he’s alive.

He’s so angry.

He wants to don the armour and blast everything around him.  What has his life been worth in the end?  His breath catches in his throat on another sob.

Pepper’s thumb rubs over his knuckles.

“I need to get out of here,” Tony says urgently.  “I need to…I can’t be here anymore; I have to fix this…”

“We’ll go, we’ll go soon,” Pepper promises him, “but you just need to rest here a while.”  Her eyes are bright with tears; voice tight with emotion. 

He tightens his grip on her.  “I can’t…”

Pepper reaches over and kisses him.  “Just…just rest for a while,” she whispers.  “The world will wait, Tony.”

He keeps holding onto her hand, places it over his heart.

o-O-o

Pepper watches as Tony wraps up another press conference.  Happy fidgets beside her.

They’re donating arc technology to the world; free energy. 

It’s the least they can do; it’s all they can do.

Tony has spent the last month recovering and rebuilding.  They’ve moved out of the Compound although Tony still supports the Avengers; still provides tech and support to Rhodey personally.

They’re in the mansion on Fifth Avenue.  It’s like living with the ghosts of Tony’s childhood; his Dad, his Mom, Jarvis and Ana.

There are suits upon suits.  He sits every night in front of a monitor, running simulation after simulation with FRIDAY.  He’s looking for a way to fix it.  Pepper hasn’t argued this time; hasn’t tried to stop him.  He’s hurting and it’s a hurt she can’t soothe. 

They’re living with too many ghosts.

Too many dead.

Too many lost.

But it’s time to start thinking of the living.

She falls in beside Tony as they head out of the building.  Happy ushers them into the back seat of the car.  Tony immediately takes hold of her hand.  They can’t stop touching each other; holding onto each other.

Pepper clears her throat.  “Saturday.”

Tony looks at her, confusion all over his face.  “Huh?”

“We’re getting married on Saturday,” Pepper says.

Tony blinks at her; he snatches the glasses he wears off his face and stares at her.  “Pep…”

“No, Tony,” Pepper says, “we’re not waiting for this to be fixed.”

“You don’t think I can fix this?” Tony argues. “Because I can fix this, I just need a little time…”

Pepper cups his cheek in the palm of her free hand and holds his gaze.  “You can fix this; I know you can fix anything,” she says passionately, “but I am not waiting to be married to you any longer.”  She takes the hand he’s still holding and carefully places it on her body.

Tony’s eyes widen.  His hand immediately flattens against her abdomen, over the place where she carries their child.  “Pepper?”  His voice cracks in wonderment and heartbreak.

Pepper nods the assurance he needs.  “Saturday,” she reiterates.

“Saturday,” Tony repeats.  He leans over and kisses her and kisses her again.

She laughs a little as he suddenly shifts, sliding down to talk to his child. 

“Hey,” Tony says, “I mean hi.  I’m going to be your Daddy.”  He places a kiss on her belly before he presses his head against her.  She holds him to her as he cries.

o-O-o

Tony can’t tear his eyes away from the previous bundle in his arms.

Morgan Maria Stark.

His daughter.

His kid.

He feels completely unprepared despite the fact that he’s spent the last seven months reading every single book, article and blog post about child development, about parenting.  All of the information, everything he should be doing fades away in the reality of her.

She’s perfect.

She’s his heart, his soul.

“I’m going to do the best I can,” Tony promises her, “but I’m, well, me and so inevitably I’m going to screw things up, but I promise you, I’m going to do the best I can.”  Her tiny fingers wrap around his.  “Your Mommy now, she’s pretty perfect.  She’s awesome.  Kind of why I married her.”

“Is that right?”

Tony looks up finally from Morgan and finds Pepper standing in the doorway of the nursery.  “Hi.”

“Hi,” Pepper says dryly as she walks in and sits besides him on the loveseat.  She smooths a tiny lock of wispy red hair away from Morgan’s forehead.  “She wake up?”

“Yeah,” Tony says, “she was hungry.”

Pepper smiles fondly.  “One day old and I see she has Daddy wrapped around her little finger already.” 

“Well, not completely wrapped,” Tony argues. 

“There’s like less than twelve per cent of you not wrapped,” Pepper says.

“You’re never letting that go, huh?” Tony says, amused.

Pepper smiles again.  She leans into him and Tony kisses the top of her head.

Tony’s attention returns to their daughter.  He can’t quite believe he has a kid.  He feels a rush of panic rising and fights it back. 

He won’t lose her.  He won’t lose Morgan the way he lost Peter.  He’s going to protect her.

Morgan opens her eyes and blinks up at him.

“Don’t let me screw this up,” Tony says quietly to Pepper. 

Pepper kisses his cheek.  “You won’t.”

They both look at their daughter; at the perfect human being they’ve created together. 

Tony feels like his heart is going to burst. 

Maybe he can’t fix what has been broken but he can build a better world for his daughter.  

o-O-o

Pepper races through the mansion.

She takes a moment to throw a priceless vase at the attacker behind her.  She holds Morgan to her tightly and dives down a corridor.  She darts through one door, down a set of stairs and into Tony’s workshop.  She slams the steel door shut behind her and immediately uses her hand on the bio-lock to engage the deadbolts.

Morgan is crying.  She’ll be three years old in a couple of weeks and this is the first attempt to kidnap her.  Pepper tries to calm her; she strokes a hand over her daughter’s head.  The red had disappeared within the first year although if the sun shines right, Pepper can see the hints in the dark curls which are so reminiscent of Morgan’s Daddy.

She’s home alone because Tony’s out at the new house they’d decided to build, dealing with a final inspection.  It’s going to be a proper home for them; somewhere they can raise Morgan relatively normally.  Where they’ll cook and do dishes; watch movies and play games.  They don’t forget what they’ve lost but they treasure what they have.  They’ll protect what they have.

Sparks suddenly burst through the metal; they’re cutting into it with a welder.  The kidnappers are organised and prepared, and it fills Pepper with terror.  She will not lose her child to them.  She will not.

DUM-E approaches with a fire extinguisher. 

Pepper kisses Morgan’s head and places her at the back of the workshop under a table.  She hides her baby behind Captain America’s shield.  She looks around frantically.  The physical suits are all stored elsewhere but she knows Tony keeps an old version of the nanobot housing unit somewhere in the workshop. She spots it just as the sparks complete their circuit; as a thump behind the metal resonates through the room.  She snatches the unit up and sticks it to her chest.  She smacks it hard and the nanobots race out, the suit forming around her.

Metal clangs to the floor as they get through the door.

DUM-E sets off the fire extinguisher as the first attacker tries to enter, confusing him and leaving him vulnerable.  Pepper raises her hand and repulses the hell out of the man, sending him back into the others.  She stalks across the room; she initiates the blasters – they form either side of her and send out a pulse which sends her attackers to the ground. 

Tony arrives, breathless and panicked.  His eyes catalogue everything.  He stares at Pepper for a long moment before he’s in the room; holding her despite the armour.  “Thank God,” he whispers. 

“Daddy!”

Tony immediately goes to his daughter, gathering her up from behind the shield, and Pepper follows him. 

Pepper won’t let go of her daughter.  She won’t let go of Tony. 

“I want a suit,” Pepper says.

Tony nods.    

Pepper breathes out.  She might hate the suits, but Tony’s been right all along: there are monsters in the closets.

o-O-o

The thing is that Tony can’t quite get the idea of time travel out of his head.

He sighs as he finishes washing the dishes, dwelling on the visit he’d received. 

Scott Lang’s time travel idea is zipping about his brain whether he wants it to or not.   

It’s not like he hasn’t thought about it before.  He has.  He played around with the idea just after he came back from space.

Strange had saved him with the Time stone.  Tony thought it had to mean something.  So, time travel.

If he could go back in time, he could fix everything.  He could go back to the damn bunker, back to before the Accords, before Ultron.  But even if he couldn’t go back that far, maybe he could just go back and make sure Strange didn’t get taken. 

He’d make the damn call to Steve. 

Steve.

Tony supports the Avengers at an arm’s length, but he talks to Natasha regularly about the tech she needs for them; he’s made sure Bruce is set-up; he’s provided aid to New Asgard and Thor; he’s helped Rhodey track Clint.  He and Steve though…

They have lived in a state of uneasy truce for the past five years.  They still really don’t speak to each other.  There are no calls or emails in between the moments when they run into each other, or someone contrives to get them in the same room, and by someone, he means Natasha. 

When Tony isn’t blaming himself for what happened, Tony blames Steve.  He has never forgiven Steve for keeping the truth about his parents from him; never forgiven Steve for walking away from the Avengers.  But if he hasn’t forgiven Steve, he hasn’t forgiven himself either.

Yes, he’s moved on.  Morgan had a lot to do with that. It’s hard to live in the past when the future is growing up so fast right in front of him.  

He’d also put time travel away as an idea the moment he’d realised there was a baby on the way.  He couldn’t go back and undo things; couldn’t go back and take the chance that he would undo Morgan somehow, that he would lose his daughter.

Tony grimaces.  He doesn’t blame Clint for losing it in the wake of his family being dusted; for hunting down all the bad guys who’d survived the snap.  He thinks he might have done the same if he’d returned to find Pepper gone, Morgan gone…

But.

Tony picks up the photo of Peter and himself.

What if he could bring Peter back and keep Morgan safe?  What if he could do both?

Something Scott had said about the quantum realm settles in Tony’s brain and starts a chain reaction. 

Maybe…maybe…Tony heads to the holo table.  It’s probably not going anywhere but he can run a few simulations.

o-O-o

Pepper watches as Tony packs up the car, holding an unhappy Morgan on her hip.  She watches as he picks up the shield, slides it into a protective cover and places it in the trunk.

“Really?” Pepper blurts out, surprised.

Tony turns and looks at her.  “If we do this, we’ll need everybody.  We didn’t fight together last time.”  His gaze saddens.  “That’s where we went wrong.  We weren’t together.”

“And you’re going to be the one who reaches out?” asks Pepper almost incredulously.  Not because she doesn’t think Tony is capable of it, but because of the hurt she knows Steve Rogers inflicted upon him. 

“Someone has to,” Tony says, “besides this whole grudge thing?  It’s exhausting, and it’s not like I didn’t get a happy ending.” 

He reaches out for Morgan who immediately wriggles wanting to get into her Daddy’s arms.  Pepper lets go and watches as Tony hugs Morgan tightly.

“Don’t go, Daddy,” Morgan says.

“I would love not to go, sweet-pea, but I have to go make sure you and Mommy stay safe,” Tony says.

And there was Tony’s whole reason for being, Pepper thinks.  Maybe she’s been too Hermione Granger about complaining about Tony’s need to save people, to make the suits, but she knows deep down he does what he does to keep the most important people in his life safe.

Tony shifts Morgan so he can look at her face.  He kisses Morgan’s forehead.  “I love you.”

“I love you,” Morgan giggles.

“Yeah, how much do you love me?” Tony teases gently.

“I love you three thousand,” Morgan announces brightly.

“That much, huh?”  Tony kisses her again.  “I love you that much too.”  He hugs her and gestures to Happy who is lurking by the garage door.  “Hey, could you keep an eye on Happy for me while I’m gone?”

Morgan nods; she moves to get down and Tony lets her go. 

Happy takes her hand.  “She’s got me, boss.”

Tony nods.  They both watch as Happy leads her outside. 

Tony turns to her.  “I could be gone some time,” he gestures at her, “pun totally intended.”

Pepper laughs and moves into his embrace.  She hugs him tightly.  They kiss softly, gently.  Tony finally eases away, and they kiss again.  He slides his hand down her arm and holds her hand until the last moment, until he steps away.

“If this all goes South,” Tony jokes as he gets in the car, “I may need you to come rescue me.”

Pepper manages a smile; a promise.  “I’ll be there.”

She shivers as she watches him drive away.  If she’s Hermione Granger, Tony is Harry Potter, and she can’t help but remember that Harry walked to his death in the end to save everyone. 

o-O-o

“I love you three thousand.”

Tony switches the recording off.  His gut is churning.  They’re going to go back in time and get the stones, and his gut is churning.

Everything is ready.  They have quantum suits prepped; the time machine is ready to go.  They have a plan.  Yet, his gut is churning.  Hence recording the message.  Just in case.  He doesn’t want a last minute phone call which doesn’t connect.  He needs to leave this message for Morgan and Pepper; to make sure they understand how much they are loved. 

It feels surreal standing on the platform, hearing Cap’s pep talk.  Tony holds his breath and…they’re back in time. 

It goes wrong.  Obviously it goes wrong.  They can’t quite anticipate a Hulk, after all.  They have to risk taking a second trip further back to secure the Space stone.  Seeing his father though, getting to talk to his Dad about fatherhood, about the hopes and fears of being a parent is more than he could have ever imagined.  He can see now he is a Dad that his own had been trying his best.  Maybe failing a lot of the time, but his Dad had been trying his best.  Tony hugs him. 

Back in the future, Natasha is gone.  She’s given her soul to save them all; sacrificed herself so Clint could have his family, saving the man who had once saved her. 

Tony swallows his grief.  He works on finishing up the gauntlet.  Tony doesn’t argue about Hulk wearing it; he knows just as much as Bruce that he was the only one who could wear it without dying.  Maybe Thor in his prime, but the God of Thunder is struggling with his grief and guilt.

There’s a snap.

A moment of quiet.

And…everything explodes.

They’re fighting for their lives again, but Thor is right beside him, Cap is right beside him; they’re together.  He gets thrown and he’s struggling back to his feet when the portals open; when everyone comes back. 

Pepper arrives and his heart is in his throat even as she moves to cover his back.  They work together beautifully though, protecting their world together.    

He takes a moment and hugs Peter.  He doesn’t want to lose the opportunity, miss his moment.

Strange holds up one finger; there’s only one timeline where they win.  Tony knows what he needs to do.  He fights Thanos for the gauntlet one last time.  He takes the stones. 

“I am Iron Man,” Tony says and snaps his fingers.  It’s over.

He’s tired. 

So tired. 

Rhodey is there, tears in his eyes; Peter hugs him again. 

Suddenly Pepper is there.  He holds her hand against his heart.  He’s so tired.  He wishes for a moment he could see Morgan one last time, check she’s going to be okay.

“We’ll be OK,” Pepper says and tells him he can rest. 

He can rest. 

They’re safe. 

They’ll be OK.

His vision is filled with Pepper. 

Tony dreams of her as he drifts away.

o-O-o

Pepper looks out of her study window at the lake.  She can’t quite appreciate the beauty through the colour of her grief; so dark and grey and suffocating.

Tony is gone and she can barely believe it.  Barely believe that she has buried him; her wonderful, maverick genius husband.  Her worst fear realised since she had walked in on him dangling in a bullet-riddled suit of armour; that he would die and she would lose him.

There’s a knock on the door.  They’ve all come to see her, to offer their condolences and remembrances. 

Some, like the Wakandan King, did nothing more than acknowledge Tony was a good man.  They know of him, but they don’t know him.  They mourn the loss of Iron Man more than Tony.  Others like Peter who admired Tony have been quietly devastated.

And Peter has a second chance to live, to be like Tony, to be better.  He’d sworn he'll make Tony proud to Pepper in between their shared tears.

Bruce offered compassion and Clint offered empathy, their own more personal loss of Natasha writ large in their grief-stricken eyes. 

Thor offered words of comfort.  “My mother,” he said, “said to me that the measure of a hero is how successful they are at being themselves.  Your husband was never anything less than himself; he was the Man of Iron.”

There’s still one person to speak to though.  Steve Rogers walks through the study door at her call to enter.  He has a mission to return the stones to their place in the timeline; Pepper knows her request to see him is delaying that moment.

Pepper simply picks up the package and letter on her desk and hands them to him without delay.  “Tony left this for you.”

Steve sets the package down and opens the letter.  Pepper already knows what it says. 

“He always told me to get a life,” Steve murmurs.  “I never listened to him.”

“Maybe this time you will,” Pepper says, her voice tight with emotion.

Steve looks up and their eyes catch and hold.  She sees the guilt in his, the sorrow for Tony’s sacrifice.

“He was a hero, with or without his suit,” Steve says.  “I never…I never got the chance to tell him that.”  He stands tall; every inch Captain America.  "Maybe this time I will."

Pepper has nothing more to say to him.  As though he senses that, Steve makes his excuses and leaves. 

She’s alone.  She turns around and looks out over the lake.  Her eyes blur. 

Tony’s at rest but she has work to do.

She needs to steer Stark Industries through another world changing event and ensure the Avengers are supported.  More importantly, she needs to be a Mommy for Morgan; a friend for Rhodey; a boss for Happy; a safety net for Peter; to be there for the people Tony loved and cared about, to make sure they stay safe.

“How do I do this without you, Tony?” Pepper whispers, her heart aches for Tony.

The door bursts open behind her and Morgan runs in as though the universe, as though _Tony_ has decided to answer her question. 

“Mommy!  Mommy!”  Morgan runs up and Pepper swings her into her arms. 

They hug each other tightly.

They have a life, she and Morgan, Pepper determines.  They have the life Tony sacrificed himself to give them and they’ll live it.  They’ll take their chance and live.

“I love you, Mommy,” Morgan says. 

Pepper kisses her daughter and thinks about Tony.  “I love you three thousand.”

The End.


End file.
